So.. I wondered about posting this… but.. seeing as it’s family & friends (and complete randoms).. I thought I would..
As you know, or those who have read more than just this post.. after Christmas I went on a 10 day Vipassana Meditation course. This is not an undertaking to be undertaken lightly!
It was, actually, too hard for me. Too hard for my little brain to cope with. And, well, it broke me. Or, at least it shook me up a bit. Quite a bit.
I don’t think, ultimately, it was bad for me. Indeed I think it opened my eyes to a whole world that I didn’t believe in. The Eastern Philosophy of ‘Energy’ and things like that always seemed like utter rubbish to me. I come from a very scientific background. We always had a copy of the new scientist to read.. and it was good. There is a whole lot of good in the Western scientific world.
However, I now think it was wrong of me to think things like acupuncture etc. are rubbish. Which I did. I mean it works for some people – and just ‘cos I don’t understand it doesn’t mean it makes no sense. And people who say they have experienced energy flowing around them … well.. now I can’t rubbish them any more. Because that is what I experienced on the course.
Believe it or not. I don’t really care – it is my reality. And I say I experienced it!! So there :)
However, I went too far. Far too far – and crossed a line and did actually end up in a hostpital! suffering from Mania. It’s a very odd time. Very odd indeed. But, again, I believe for me that it won’t have been a bad thing. Though it was odd being brought into a closed psychiatric ward. My thanks to my loving family & friends who rallied round and sent so many good wishes (and cookies!). It made *all* the difference.
So… I may say more about this at some future date. The reason I put this up is because I think it is important to share the bad things as well as the good things. Life isn’t just ups.. it has it’s downs too… The course took me to a place I do not understand.. but I think on the whole it will have been a good thing.
I am going to put some thoughts up on post vipassana thoughts from time to time. Yes, a third blog. This really is getting ridiculous. I don’t want to clutter this one up with ramblings of an x-lunatic ;)
But that’s the thing… it was an illness which passed. Nothing to be embarrassed about really :) And, hopefully you will see in my actions & thoughts that the course will ultimately have been good for me – no matter where I ended up after it. Let time pass and then judge.
Finally – my thanks to Jo who very very kindly made the logo for http://www.sharetothere.org.nz. I might possibly get to natter about it on the radio.. and I will probably get round to implementing it for the UK & Ireland (if anyone thinks it would be worthwhile!).
p.s… Mania is the exact opposite of depression… so it actually really honestly wasn’t all that bad :) I mean I had free food & accommodation with en-suite ;) There are definitely worse things in life. Monty Python had it right in their ‘always look on the bright side of life’ :)
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